Isso tudo é muito grave. Tô correndo perigo. Perigo do que? De vida, diz que esse não existe!

sheesh! it took me a loooooong time before i get to jot some things here in my journal. denti and I were karyokying all night, no nikki :( she started working part-time in a strip mall computershop. im kinda sleepy... (sleepy) anyways today was nice .. i've also been thinking about my friends and family. i hope and i pray that everyone is doing good.

i don't understand life, don't understand God... He gives these verses "You turned my mourning into dancing..." but all i have done is mourning. The tears i cry, almost everyday, because of the overwhelming-ness of my life is almost too much for me to bear. i just don't know how to handle anything anymore. i used to have big dreams for my life... big plans of happiness and love... but yet i just do not see those dreams ever coming true. I don't see my life being filled with joy and happiness-- and i can't understand how God can promise those things yet this is what has happened so far. It has all been tears and pain so far from the time i have known Him... yet i know i cannot go back to the old way of me.. So what to do? Face a life of tears? of forever being misunderstood? by Chrisitans and non-Christians alike? what do i do? i try so hard to live for what i believe in, to stand up for my beliefs and love others-- nikki says not to worry-- it is easy for her to live day by day.. but not for me

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